3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
