Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
