and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
