My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is wine microwaveable?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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