i just sent this text using only my big toe
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
