i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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