So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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