my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
