I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
