He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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