Jerry, you need to find god
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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