She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
