His hands were made for my vagina.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
