Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
