Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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