he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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