then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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