if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
