I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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