i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
