Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
