Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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