If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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