they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
