I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
