I got chris browned last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
