Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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