So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
