Welp...herpes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
