As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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