I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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