I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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