Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
