someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
