hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
