honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
