Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
