Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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