I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
