Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
