Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
