She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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