so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Text me some of your sweat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
