OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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