After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
