next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
