i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
