You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
