i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
