Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
