can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
